West Yorkshire Safeguarding Week

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or dating someone new, everyone is entitled to a positive, respectful and loving relationship.

Unfortunately domestic violence and abuse is very common and sometimes people don’t realise they are in an abusive relationship. Domestic violence affects both men and women of all ages.

Am I in an unhealthy relationship?

Domestic abuse isn’t just physical violence; if you aren’t allowed to go out with your friends because your partner is too jealous, or if your partner controls your access to money, then you could be in an unhealthy relationship. Financial and emotional abuse are also forms of domestic abuse.

Other signs of an unhealthy relationship can be:

• When you are not with your partner, they are bombarding you with angry or threatening texts.
• Your partner tells you what you can and cannot wear.
• Your partner threatens to have your children taken away from you.
• Your partner manipulates you and makes you do things that you aren’t comfortable with.

What can I do?

If you are a victim of domestic violence and abuse, or think you know someone who might be, it’s important to know how you can ask for help or report any risks.

The only person to blame for domestic violence is the abuser. Motivating a person to change their behaviour is not the responsibility of anyone else, and no-one should continue to live in an abusive relationship in the hope that their partner will change.

The effects of domestic violence and abuse vary but it’s important that anyone affected by this doesn’t feel that they have to suffer in silence. If you are experiencing domestic abuse or are worried that your relationship is unhealthy, you can:

• Tell a family member or a friend you can trust about the abuse
• Create a safety plan
• Call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247

Domestic violence affects children

Domestic violence and abuse can have lasting and harmful effects on children – and witnessing domestic violence is a form of child abuse.

Children who see domestic violence and abuse in their home are at risk of other types of abuse too. Children can experience this in lots of different ways. For example, they might:

• See the abuse.
• Hear the abuse from another room.
• See a parent’s injuries or distress afterwards.
• Get hurt by being nearby or trying to stop the abuse.

If you are in an abusive relationship or know someone who might be, it is important that they are protected from harm.

Safety planning

Having a safety plan can help to protect someone from domestic violence and abuse in the future, and help them to know who to contact if they need help or are planning to leave their relationship.

Anyone affected by domestic violence and abuse can:

• In an emergency, call the police on 999.
• Tell a trusted person about the abuse.
• Tell friends or neighbours about the abuse; ask them to call the police if they hear any violent or angry noises.
• Consider a number of places they could go if they had to leave suddenly.
• Pack a bag of essentials, important documents and money, along with important numbers such as helplines and friends. Keep the bag hidden.
• If planning to leave, try to ensure their partner doesn’t find out.
• Teach their children how to call 999.

Online grooming is a form of child sexual exploitation where someone builds an emotional connection with a child for the purposes of sexual abuse, sexual exploitation or trafficking.

Children and young people can be groomed online or face-to-face, by a stranger or by someone they know – for
example a family member, friend or professional.

Where does online grooming happen?

Online grooming can occur anywhere where a private conversation is being held. Chat facilities give an impression of talking to someone in private, and this can lead to people building up a relationship and confiding in each other.

Groomers target children anywhere with a chat facility, including:

• Social networking sites (eg. Facebook)
•  Online dating sites
• Chatrooms
•  Skype
•  Mobile apps such as: WhatsApp, Kik, Snapchat and Tinder
• Online gaming chats
• Instant messaging apps

How does online grooming happen?

Communication on the internet is public and perceived as anonymous which can dupe children into a false sense of security. It is important to remember that it is very difficult to verify that the person you are talking to online, is actually who they say they are.

Groomers sometimes use false identities or fake profiles and photos to talk to young people online, sometimes even posing as another child. They manipulate children into trusting them, and then get them to disclose personal information or to take part in activities they would never usually do. A groomer may force a child to:

• Submit nude pictures or videos online
• Exchange sexually explicit messages
• Take part in sexual activities via a webcam or smartphone

Groomers may coerce a child to take part in sexual abuse by threatening to send copies of pictures, videos or conversations to the child’s families or friends.

Signs a child may be being groomed online

• Child is upset, withdrawn or angry after texting or using the internet.
• Secretive about who they are interacting with while online or on the phone.
• Having new phones or devices that you cannot account for.
• Switching screens off when a parent enters the room.

How parents can protect children from online grooming

• Keep your computer in a family room or shared space in the house.
• Encourage your child to tell you if anything online makes them uncomfortable.
• Use special filtering programmes to block your child from accessing anything inappropriate.
• Talk to your child about staying safe online and educate them about some of the tricks groomers may use to win their trust.

How children can stay safe online

• Never give out any personal details to people you do not know.
• Ensure that your online account privacy settings are set correctly.
• If a conversation is becoming sexual or threatening, don’t be afraid to cut off all contact from the person and tell a trusted adult straight away.
• Never share sexual pictures or videos of yourself online, or agree to meet someone you have spoken to online.